ScarJo and Tom Waits: Together at last!
Anyone who caught last season’s episode of SNL hosted by Scarlett Johansson may recall the inexplicable decision to repeatedly feature her in skits with singing. For those who missed it, let it be known that listening to ScarJo sing is the aural equivalent of having your genitals cut off and stapled to your ankles.

Lest your ear canals survive a viewing of that eppy, here is stellar news: Johansson is - allegedly - set to release her debut album. And if you thought it couldn’t get any better, she will - allegedly - be bastardizing the beloved discography of Tom Waits!
According to Roger Friedman, “Scarlett [Johansson] has signed a deal to make her first record. ‘Scarlett Sings Tom Waits’ is being recorded now and through the winter, with a possible release next spring from Rhino Records’ recently reactivated Atco label. The eventual release date will be coordinated with Johansson’s movie schedule.”
Oh, ScarJo, do us all a favor and stick with acting. The only double threat you’ll ever showcase is already on display in those gratuitous cleavage shots.