Celebrity Weasel

After 50 years on television, Bob Barker is no longer interested in right prices.

Arguably the most recognizable face in game show history, Bob Baker has hosted The Price Is Right for 35 years, after hosting Truth Or Consequences for 15 years. This June, he will officially retire.

The news comes three years after the untimely death of Rod “Rod Roddy” Roddy.

I have to wonder if they’re going to try and replace Bob Barker or just kill The Price Is Right altogether. As much as I love my daily dose of “Punch A Bunch” (previously - and more honorably - known as “The Punch Game”), I admit that it would be a fallacy and an insult to continue TPIR without Barker. I mean, it was bad enough when Roddy went up that big Announcer Booth In The Sky and they replaced him with some fool who doesn’t have one cent of Roddy’s vocal breadth, but if they try to replace Barker with, like, that guy from Home Improvement, the game show gods will not be kind, and they will Come On Down to wreak havoc on a Price scorned.

I feel like there was something I was supposed to remember… hmm. It seems to have escaped me. Oh well, anyway I’ve gotta go not spay or neuter my pets.

Hollywood “Golden Couple” (does this refer to their wealth? their Oscars? their hair? their grillz?) Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe have officially split, according to their publicist.

“They remain committed to their family and we ask that you please respect their privacy and the safety of their children at this time,” said their official statement.

For once, I would like a couple to say, “Don’t respect our privacy. Or our kids.”

But I digress. Of all the splits in Hollywood, I must confess that I am taking this one the hardest. I mean, we have witnessed this relationship since its inception. Remember back when Reese was a virgin, but Ryan bet Sarah Michelle Gellar that he could totally bed her anyway? But then in all his chastity chicanery he ended up falling in love with her? Then they made sweet, sweet love in the morninglight and she became impregnated with Ava? But thennnn we watched Ryan get run over by that car, so I guess we really should have seen this split coming.

Anyway, best of luck to Reese and Ryan. I will respect their privacy. But just for the record, I do strongly feel that she ought to date Conan O’Brien and he ought to date JoJo.

Starting this Thursday, Entertainment Tonight will begin airing segments of their interview with Anna Nicole Smith. I just saw the preview on The Insider. I cried a little, and laughed a lot. I know, I’m heartless. This is one not to be missed.

ET’s Anna Interview Blog

Ashlee Simpson recently told Britains OK! magazine that her breasts are “beautiful” gifts to men. As far as rumors that she has had work done on her rack, Ashlee said,

“You have to laugh because people make up the goofiest things. My boobs are beautiful! I’m not getting them done. I’m 22, they’re up and high,”

Oh Ash! You little tease.

What kind of trashy lady lets herself be quoted saying something like her breasts are “beautiful” gifts to men? Not that I really care about Ashlee Simpson anymore. I might have been heartbroken a few years ago, since I was such a fan of her MTV reality show. She was cute and innocent then. Now she’s gross. I’m in the minority these days though, because I think her nose job looks awful. Although, I’m very upset I can’t see her as Roxie Hart in the London production of Chicago.

Page Six is reporting today that Kevin Federline is dealing with a number of concert cancellations around the country due to absolutely no one giving a sh*t about him. Shocking, isn’t it?

His show on November 4th in New York is about to be cancelled, and rumor is, the same is about to happen to his Cleveland show. Why doesn’t K Fed wise up? He has it so great. Enough with this “I need a career” crap. I think Kevin Federline is in a better position than Paris Hilton to soak of the greatness of doing nothing. Why is he ruining it?

Paris is slightly less of a joke than Kevin because, at least she tries to do a good job of being talentless. If Kevin could clean up a little bit, keep his mouth shut most of the time, and just pose for the camera, he could be something great! He would be getting hired in no time for appearances and hosting gigs. Kevin has to go embarassing himself by setting up concerts and promoting his horrible music. Identify your talents and run with them Kevin! Put on some nice clothes, shut up, smile, and soak up the undeserved fame.

Brad Pitt staves off boredom with self-wedgieism.

Lance Bass’ boyfriend to not hide. Or die.

Dick Clark to depress us on New Year’s Eve again.

Sex and the City writer to ruin another medium.

Being a psychopath pays off for Winona Ryder.

Who needs mammograms when you’ve got the media?

Jessica is in ur MySpace stealin’ ur menz!

Naomi Campbell only assaults one person today (thusfar).

World is shocked to discover Snoop loves drugs, guns.

Chris Cornell survives crash (his music still in critical condition).

According to Yahoo: “Mariah Carey’s weekend concert was canceled Thursday because of poor ticket sales and what promoters said were the pop star’s ‘unreasonable demands.’

‘We have decided to cancel the event effective immediately due to both the poor response of public ticket sales and also due to specific last-minute demands which we find wholly unreasonable and not with the best interests of Hong Kong, us and also the fans,’ said a statement posted Thursday on the promoter’s Web site. Concerts Asia declined further comment, and contact information for Carey wasn’t immediately available.”

Ahem.
The smoking gun has a copy of her typical backstage rider.

I can’t help but wonder what was on her Hong Kong rider that caused them to actually cancel her concert.

MARIAH CAREY AND BAND DRESSING ROOM RIDER
Ten (10) bottles Cristal
One (1) box bendy straws
Change Hong Kong Republic’s emblem from flower to butterfly
Three (3) boxes Gushers (blue)
Re-succumb to British rule
Move entire concert to Massapequa

Nicole Richie has checked into a “wellness center” in order to “address her thinness.”

Bitch, please. What is wrong with admitting that you have an eating disorder?

Ricky Martin called Madonna an “exemplary mother� in a phone interview on Wednesday with the Associated Press.

“The love she gives her kids is a dream, and I know that her heart is big enough to adopt not just one child but to adopt 20.�

I can’t believe this is a news story. Who gives a rat’s ass what Ricky Martin thinks? Wait, I do! I totally agree with Ricky Martin. Madonna should adopt twenty children. Can I be one of them please?

Look, I have pretty much hated everything that Ricky Martin has ever created during his “artistic� run on this earth. I find his personality as pleasing as the sound of my second grade teacher Mrs. Davis’s eighty year old, decrepit nails on the chalk board. Ricky has a point here though. Besides wearing those hideous pyramid bras so many years ago, I really don’t think Madonna is nutty. Britney Spears is nutty. Paris Hilton is nutty. Madonna, straight shooter! I’m annoyed by her fake British accent as well, but let’s not harp.

This kid Madonna adopted is going to grow up with everything. She saved him from a horrible life of manual labor, and gave him a pass to every exclusive night club and every movie part he will never deserve.

Is this what an “exemplary� mother does? I’m with Ricky on this one.

An American Idol stops eating meatball subs.

Cobain kicks Elvis’ ass… in hell!

Prison break allegedly based on dudes that broke out of prison once.

Oh see the O.C. before Nov. 2.

Thank god someone is trying to kill Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

Watch Patricia Heaton confirm her crazy in a national anti-stem-cell commercial.

Jess Simpson defends her pervy pop.

Britney’s second kid’s name ain’t Sutton Pierce.

Paris is, like, so sorry, and like, might like sex in six years.

Demi has knee surgery. Um, plastic knee surgery.

EW’s Whitney’s Hilarious Liveblog of Madonna on Oprah.

A couple weeks ago, it was disclosed that Brooke Shields would be the new face of Colgate.

Whatta schmile!!!

Anyway, I officially saw this commercial for the first time today. It features Shields snackin’ on a toothbrush, dressing her older daughter as a fairy princess and nuzzlin’ her newborn.

She cares about her teeth not just as an actress, but as a mom as well! …wait, what?

I think I’ll be stickin’ with Crest.

…toldja so:

According to Yahoo! news (apparently my favorite source of celebrity news today) Tom Cruise and Katie “Kate” Holmes are to “be married” in “Italy”.

So by now everyone knows that the love affair between CrazyCruise and Joey Potter is a fatty sham. It began with an interview, progressed to a bastard beach-ball birth, and now they’re allegedly ready to make it honest.

Y’know, it’s one thing to feign love, it’s another to bluff a baby, but now they’re proceeding with their knot-tie lie in a made-up country?! I predict the public will finally catch on when none of the pappz are able to snap shots of the “wedding” in this so-called “Italy”. On the plus side, maybe this will prove the official unveiling of the TomKat chicanery.

According to Yahoo!: - “Madonna told Oprah Winfrey Tuesday she was surprised by the firestorm surrounding her efforts to adopt a 13-month-old boy from the African country of Malawi. And she blamed the media for it.”

Didn’t Madonna ever learn that one of the tried and true rules of pop stardom is: “If one steals a child from Malawi, the media will follow”?

Here is the adoption as I have followed it:
1. Madonna makes out with Britney Spears (okay, that was long before the adoption, but it was still awesome).
2. Madonna accidentally ends up in mysterious country “Malawi”; tries to perform concert until she realizes they do not have wheat or rice, let alone audio/visual system.
3. Madonna eats sandwich, takes a nap.
4. Upon exiting Malawi, Madonna sees small, emaciated child; mistakes it for microphone and packs it up.
5. Madonna gets home to London and discovers microphone wants a snack.
6. Madonna realizes her erratum; adopts child.
7. Madonna blames media for everything that has ever happened.

I’m all for helping the world and adopting chilluns in need and all that, but wouldn’t it make more sense for Madonna to just donate all of the dollars she will spend on this kid to the village that he came from? I’m fairly certain that the entire community could eat, stave off Malaria, and get year subscriptions to Highlights for the amount of money Madonna will spend paying a nanny to look after David/Daniel/Microphone for a month.

You ladies love to fawn over the cute gay boys and their boyfriends. Especially the celebrity cute gay boys and thier boyfriends! Behold the photo of Grey’s Anatomy star T.R. Knight who came out to People magazine last week.

The other man in the photo? Some dude named Scotty who is on another ABC show called Brothers and Sisters. Are the two actually dating? Who knows, but you guys love looking at these kind of photos all the same, don’t you?

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