Celebrity Weasel

Paris Hilton is once again, taking the stupid path on the road of life. Paris filed suit Monday seeking to shut down the web site that is charging visitors $39.97 for a glimpse of her personal nudie photos, videos, diaries, and legal documents.

The items were obtained from Hilton’s Los Angeles storage facility that she had failed to pay dues on for quite some time. Paris claims in the suit, that a moving company was supposed to pay the fees. She claims she was “shocked and surprised� to learn that her belongings were put up for auction after the fees were not paid. I don’t believe that for a second, more like “lazy and dim witted.� It is impossible that no one in the Paris Hilton camp did was aware that these items were going to go on auction. They were most likely informed a dozen times of the past due fees.

Here we are now with ParisExposed.com. Available to the world are all of Miss Hilton’s personal effects; some naughty, some boring. While Paris may have a case against these guys, she needs to remember what happened to her a few short years ago. That no holds barred sex tape launched her into super stardom. Why shouldn’t she try to work out a deal with the creators of the web site for some money, instead of going through the hassle of suing them? She already had an incredibly raunchy sex video seen by everyone in the world; her privacy went out the window long ago.

Everyone always seems to think that it’s big news when celebrities go out in public without makeup. They scream and shout about how this woman we thought was beautiful, looks scary as hell.

Check out these photos of Eva Longoria from Flynetonline.com…

The editors of FlynetOnline can’t stop yelling about how trashy she looks in these photos. Newsflash people of America: Eva Longoria isn’t exciting, or fabulously beautiful!
Eva Longoria is a fine actress (I suppose), but why does everyone think she’s a goddess? She looks like a totally normal, plain jane, and I don’t see all that much difference between these photos, and her with ass loads of make up on. What is wrong with everyone? Have they never lived with a woman? Real people don’t walk around with ten pounds of studio required make up on.

Some lame divorce from Marilyn Manson won’t stop Dita Von Teese from looking beautiful at Paris Fashion Week Haute Couture. I enjoy Dita in her former, nude and hog tied, fetish life style, as well as in her glamorous, fashion fueled, global traveler life style.

How horrible of a man must Marilyn Manson be? When his relationship with Rose McGowan ended, in interviews, she insinuated that Marilyn Manson’s drinking and drug use made for a horrible relationship. Same story this time around. My poor little Dita.

Simon Cowell told TV Guide recently that Rosie O’Donnell is bashing American Idol purely to boost ratings for The View. You think so? Great detective work Simon. I love American Idol, and I tolerate Rosie, but this is one “feud� that is utterly ridiculous. Everyone needs to calm down over this one. In any case, let’s examine…

On the morning after the season premiere of American Idol last week, Rosie said the judges were too mean, and described them as “three millionaires, one probably intoxicated�. So? They make a lot of money because American Idol is a ratings juggernaut, and fans love the judges. They love the judges because they are mean, loopy, cranky, and wildly entertaining. On the same note, people love Rosie because she attacks people in the media, and never hesitates to speak her mind on what annoys her.

Everyone is doing their job here. Rosie is being the loud, large woman who The View who has an ax to grind with everyone, and Simon and the gang are being bitchy, just like America loves. The public needs to stop making a big deal out of this. As far the “Rosie is right!� opinion, you can’t be serious. Those wannabe idols know they were the geekiest kid in high school, and they know they can’t sing for crap. Wouldn’t you want to be on TV too?

As with any award ceremony, there were some stunning looks, and some frightening ones at the Golden Globes last night. Though there were many fashion wins and losses throughout the evening, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen always make my skin crawl. These two are just downright ugly. The problem is they run around thinking they look great. It’s why the images are always so fun to share. From the In Style and Warner Bros. after party:

You know things are moving at absolute lightening speed when even I can’t keep up with them, but here is the latest from the weekend in the world of Britney Spears.

For the past two weeks, Brit has been making time with actor-model Isaac Cohen. The two romped it up in Vegas over the weekend. Being the strong, independent woman she is, Britney walked right into the face of controversy by hanging in Vegas. Still fresh on everyone’s brain of course, Brit’s embarrassing 1 AM drunken snooze fest on New Year’s Eve at Pure.

On Saturday night, Britney, and her man de jour, Isaac, stayed at the $40,000 a night suite high atop the Palms. The two didn’t crash too early though. They were spotted at 8 1/2, the gay club on the strip, dancing for about an hour.

Of all the Britney men so far, I like this one the best. At least he looks clean, right? Sure he will be gone in a week, so none of us will get too attached, but we can enjoy while it lasts.

Meanwhile, the Spears P.R. team is attempting to work over time. They still have some fantasy that Britney Spears is anymore than a celebutante now. Hoping that her music career still has some life left in it, they are doing their best to ensure Britney is not photographed romping around with her men, outside of authorized functions.

X17 attempted to photograph Britney and Isaac together in Las Vegas this weekend, without success. The not so tough body guards made sure the two were not seen in the same frame. Click Here

Over the weekend, everyone freaked out at the Steven Tyler photos provided by our friends at FlynetOnline. Sure, the dude, isn’t a greek god, but is it really that bad? Steven Tyler is about to turn 59!

I hope I look that good when I turn 59. Ok, so you might have seen those ass crack shots as well. Still, give the guy a break. Like your boney ass has never become exposed while running around on the beach with your hot lady friend!

What kind of asshat wants himself photographed on the red carpet acting like this? That Jim Carey, talking ass cheeks type crap just isn’t funny anymore.

Jason Ritter of CBS’s The Class:

This ridiculous Donald Trump – Rosie O’Donnell feud has gone on for so long. It always comes so close to becoming boring, then the slightest bit of new information gets released and sucks me right back in.

As much as I want to side with Rosie over this whole non issue, Donald is great at pulling people in deeper. Despite those killer tactics of his, The Apprentice L.A. had a pretty bad season premiere this past Sunday. Here is the latest attempt at getting ratings for his stupid show.

Donald has been making the feud interesting by bringing the unwilling Barbara Walters into the mix. In a letter to Rosie today, Donald writes:

An article in today’s New York Post indicates that you blew up at Barbara Walters for being a ‘liar.’ Actually, I don’t blame you, but in fact she lied to both of us! After your maniacal and foolish rant against me two weeks ago, Barbara called me from her vacation (I did not call her) in order to apologize for your behavior. She had heard that I was going to retaliate against you and tried to talk me out of it. She very much wanted me to go on the show as soon as she got back so that she could ‘patch things up’ (I said no). To be exact, she said that ‘working with her is like living in hell’ and, more pointedly, ‘Donald, never get into the mud with pigs’ and, ‘don’t worry, she won’t be here for long.’ Barbara knows exactly what she told me over the phone and she has to live with it. Perhaps that’s why her initial statement was so mild!

I can’t help it, I love this. The possibility that Barbara Walters hates Rosie, and says the exact opposite everyday on The View, is wonderful. Reportedly, Rosie blew up at Barbara on Monday, backstage at The View. Rosie was a little peeved Barbara did not stand up for her more. What do you expect Rosie? Barbara hates your ass.

Paris Hilton pleaded not guilty today to her DUI charge. Her attorney made the appearance in court, not Paris.

Paris was arrested on September 7 for driving erratically in her Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren. She scored a 0.08 during her Breathalyzer test, just enough to receive a DUI in California.

Paris claims that she drank one margarita on an empty stomach that evening, and was on her way to In N Out Burger when she was pulled over. I don’t think Paris was drunk. Even though she is an idiot, and is very skinny, I don’t think she was too wasted to drive. That’s not to say she wasn’t acting irresponsibly.

The most important thing to do on the road is maintain. You’ve had a few drinks? For Christ’s sake, stop trying to make that yellow light, and stop trying to show off how fast your car can go on that straight away. On top of all this bad crap that Paris might have been doing, one thing is for sure. Ms. Hilton was driving a car that attracts a lot of attention. She’s not getting away with anything in that vehicle.

Paris Hilton may not have been drunk, but she was still being a ditz.

An L.A. based attorney told People Magazine, the L.A. city attorney will probably offer her a plea bargain to a lesser charge, and Paris won’t be forced to do anything but pay a fine.

Just when my rage was starting to calm with these know it all, world saving celebs, Angelina Jolie has gone and stirred the pot up once again.

Angelina today has gone to the press and criticized Madonna for her “illegalâ€? adoption of a Malawian boy. Angelina says that Madonna knew the country of Malawi had “no real legal framework for adoption.â€? She then blasts Madonna, saying, “Personally, I prefer to stay on the right side of the law. I would never take a child away from a place where adoption is illegal.”

Who gives a rat’s ass Angelina? This kid is going to have a crazy, insanely lavish life with Madonna. He deserves it, that place he was about to raised before Madonna showed up, frankly, stinks. The kid’s dad has even conceded and said he is fine with Madonna raising the boy. Shut your fat trap and put your nose back down Angelina. Congratulations, I hate you once again.

Conflicting stories are surfacing now about the Hilary Duff – Joel Madden break up that occurred a while ago. Did Hilary actually dump Joel because she was afraid of Barbie doll back lash? I’m not believing this for a second, but here is how the story goes.

Janet Charlton said on her site a few days ago, info had leaked that when Hilary was developing her new doll, she became extremely fixated on presenting herself as a good role model to young girls. This opened up a can of worms within the Duff crew. Everyone starting reminding Hilary about the message she was sending by dating a “punk rocker�. They tossed around the idea of making a boyfriend type, companion doll for Hilary. They pulled back on the idea after remembering who Hilary’s gross, real life boyfriend is. Hilary stewed on everything her family and friends were concerned about, and dumped Joel to keep her image squeaky clean.

The original information I heard on this break up, was that Joel dumped Hilary because she would not put out. After this leaked, I’m sure the Duff camp wanted to clean up the mess, and came out with this half assed story. The Joel dumping Hilary story makes a lot of sense. Teeny bopper pop girls love the wanna-be mainstream punk rock look that Joel Madden sports. She’s decent enough looking, so I’m sure he rode out the relationship for a little while. After he realized Hilary Duff is a boring, non-sexual retard, he dumped her ass for a little more excitement; Nicole Richie.

Two clubs in Orlando that were formerly named in honor of Paris Hilton, are now saying Club Paris refers to the city.

Paris failed to attend one too many appearances for the club named after her, and was fired today by owner Fred Khalilian.

If you think the name “Club Paris” sounds really good for your new, hip night club, why would you even think for one second that the club should be honoring Paris Hilton? Even a few years ago Paris Hilton was not a respected person. I don’t think there is any chance for pity coming this club owner’s way.

Our boy Justin Timberlake was flying solo at tonight’s Alpha Dog premiere. Justin was also partying alone on new year’s eve. Looks like it’s over for Cameron Diaz and this wanna be gangsta.

Yup, Alpha Dog is that movie where Justin has fake neck tattoos. I really hope this movie doesn’t do well.

A number of less than talented people hosted New Year’s Eve gigs over the weekend. The biggest news today is the party at PURE night club in Las Vegas hosted by Britney Spears. On the heels of saying her hard partying nights were over, Britney “passed out” at one am, and had to be carried out. The Spears rep is saying Britney was just tired, and fell asleep. Who the heck falls asleep during a huge, insanely loud New Year’s Eve party? I don’t think anyone is buying this one.

Lots of other people were in Vegas as well. The newly creepy looking Jenna Jameson was hosting at the Mirage Hotel and casino resort. Pam Anderson and the so not even close to being relevant in 2007 Pauly Shore were helping people party at the Tao Las Vegas New Year’s 2007 Celebration. Kid Rock was lending his DJ skills, whatever those are, to a party at JET Nightclub at The Mirage Hotel and Casino Resort.

Lindsay Lohan was taking it a little easier, hosting a party in Miami Beach. I wish we could start seeing the physical results of this new, healthy Lindsay, but she looks crappy as always in this photo with Queen Latifah.