Celebrity Weasel

Everyone is buzzing about this interesting image snapped yesterday of Lindsay Lohan in Beverly Hills. I like that Lindsay is slightly starting to gain that figure back. She looks pretty decent braless.

I saw a preview last night for this new Showtime program, The Tudors. I saw a lot of violence, anger, and sex. That’s right up my alley! The premiere party was held last night in New York. When the photos were posted today, a female co worker tells me she’s crazy for this dude Jonathan Rhys Meyers, star of The Tudors.

On first inspection, the guy looks decent enough. I think it takes a certain kind of confidence to wear a v neck t-shirt. Confidence, or cockiness, either one. I personally have not been able to pull it off. His jeans look tight in a weird, uncomfortable way. In fact, it’s kind of making me mad that he dressed like some hipster, cocky bastard at this red carpet event.

Of course I watch The Girls Next Door on E! for the ladies, but you have to hand it to Hugh Heffner, dude looks good for 81. The gang got together last night at The Palms in Vegas to celebrate Hef’s birthday.

I recently got into an argument with an associate of mine regarding the long standing “known” fact that Hugh Hefner has sexual access to any and all of the ladies that live in the Playboy mansion. I sometimes feel this is a myth for a number of reasons.

First, at 81 years old, it blows my mind that a human being, male or female, would want to have sex. I’m sure Hef still likes looking at naked women, but at that age, isn’t the common thought that you just don’t have the drive to go through with the whole thing anymore? It scares me to no end, but I have spoke with guys in their forties who say they just don’t feel the hunger like they used to ten years prior. I think that Hef wisely wants the myth of him having sex with twenty year olds every night, kept alive for the good of Playboy. The plan is, young men look up to Hugh Hefner because he is the great American sexual success story. If he as seen as just another crotchety old man, the Playboy image is somewhat lost.

The second, and more debatable of my arguments, is that vapid, superficial twenty-year-old girls wouldn’t touch a wrinkled old man with a ten-foot pole. Gentleman, these are the stuck up cheerleaders from high school that wouldn’t give you the time of day. Conversely, these are vapid, superficial twenty-year-olds, they will do anything as long as they can live the rich and famous life style.

We may never know the truth, so let’s watch to alcohol set in from the party last night!

Is this the luckiest man in Hollywood?

My favorite, Winona Ryder, on the set of her new flick, The Last Word. This movie sounds like a winner. Not only that, Winona looks amazing in it. Score.

Misha Barton is just as geeky as the Keds that she is a spokeswoman for.

Didn’t this no-assed chick used to be hot?

Kim Kardashian celebrated the release of the hardcore sex tape that will rocket her into superstardom, by looking great back stage at L.A. fashion week.

Good thing Vivid decided to cut out the water sports portion of the Kim K tape, it might have killed my buzz.

Heather Mills made her debut appearance on Dancing With The Stars last night. Many theories abound as to why Ms. Mills wanted to be on the hit ABC show. To prove to everyone she’s not a monster? To get back into the spotlight after being away from modeling for so long? To get her own sitcom development deal?

In the pre-taped portion of the show when Heather Mills meets her professional dance partner, she looked more nervous than a sixteen-year-old boy trying to rip open a Trojan condom. The first words out of her mouth were, “Hi, no one in America knows who I am, I’m Heather Mills”.

God I hate this bitch. The show is pretending her star status is that she is a “charity campaigner”. Funny, since my sometimes crazy, but generally good intentioned gang at PETA, have all but dropped her as a spokesperson. Why would they keep her around? Her attempts to suck Paul McCartney dry of money she doesn’t deserve has made every man, woman, and child in the country want her dead. Not to mention those reports of Heather forcing Paul to let her use a bedpan. Gross. Get your one legged ass to the bathroom at 3AM.

I’m not sure where I stand on the Heather Mills dancing situation. On one hand, I want her to stay on the show This way, we the people of this great country can continue to hate her each week with vigor and passion. Hate is great. On the other hand, I don’t want her getting any false hope that we have forgiven all the ridiculous things she is trying to do to Paul McCartney. I mean, what kind of guy would want the one legged chick he just bedded to take a poop in a bedpan anyway? We’re with you Paul.

Angelina Jolie adopting yet another child really isn’t exciting to me. I’m slightly annoyed by Angelina and Brad, simply for the awful, holier than thou, hushed tones they speak in. Other than that, I think they are good people. I’m over the whole, “celebrities shouldn’t care about world issues� thing. Let them do what they want. Let them adopt 300 children from Vietnam. Besides, this happens once a month. When something happens all the time, is it really news?

Yet, in the interest of the foaming at the mouth public, here is the latest with Angelina’s new child.

Jolie was seen on Saturday night arriving at her hotel in Ho Chi Mihn City. She has been there since Wednesday night to adopt a three year old boy from an orphanage. The U.S. based agency, which handled the adoption, said she began the process last summer in Vietnam. A rep for the agency claims she received no preferential treatment, and was not “fast-tracked� to get her hands on the little tike.

This is all damage control based on a statement by Vietnam’s senior adoption official Vu Doc Long who said “In this case, things can move faster because she’s a celebrity and she has already found a child.�

Smooth move Ex Lax. Someone get Vu Doc Long a P.R. person before he goes and sticks his foot in his mouth again.

I heard she was in, then I heard she was out. Now of course, she is most definitely in. Check out the photo ABC just released of Heather Mills getting ready to shake it on Dancing With The Stars.

This is going to be a great season. Heather Mills will be very exciting because everyone in the world hates her guts. Her fake leg won’t come flying off, I’m pretty sure of that. She can’t be dumb enough to not take every minuscule precaution to make sure it does not come off. Can she?

These are the best. Nicky Hilton hosts fashion queen and club kid Richie Rich’s birthday bash at Cameo in Miami Beach.

Nicky is such a cutie. R.R.? Ummm. Yea…

…Jared Leto was a great actor, who I was a big fan of. Now, he is just an odd looking douche. See Jared, Marky Mark did it the right way. You act like a wild kid, when you are a kid. You grow up, and you become a respectable, serious actor. Oh well, no stopping this pink eyeshadow wearing pussy.

Jared shakes off the pain of his new broken nose to host his bandmates birthday party last night in Miami Beach.

My main gal pal Winona Ryder isn’t dead after all.

Rumors flooded message boards and other internet geek hangouts today that Winona had overdosed on sleeping pills. Well, I can still hope I run into my lady next time I’m shopping at Marc Jacobs because she is alive and well. The hoax is being attributed to web site, fakeawish.com.

Looks like a pretty crappy site to me. Apparently they succesfully started a similar internet buzz in the past when they made people believe Tom Hanks died on a movie set in New Zealand. Now that’s funny stuff!

More lovely photos from Michael Jackson’s “special” parties in Japan. Yes, by “special”, I mean where he fantasizes about little boys.

I like how they threw some trannys in the mix for times.

Coming to us courtesy of US Weekly.

My favorite quotes from the interview include:

“I think I look kind of like a boy,” she says, before adding, “I mean, not my body, obviously.”

“I’ve worked so hard since I was eight years old. Not HARD, like I have a hard job, but I’ve really worked.”

“I think people today are very cynical. They need to bring other people down.”

Gripping stuff. I used to ride the ScarJo bandwagon with pride, but I’m just not that interested anymore.

I guess there is one place in the world Michael Jackson isn’t a joke yet. MJ was out in Japan over the weekend to host an invite only shindig, and support a fan art competition.

Check out these kids going wild at the airport upon Michael’s arrival. It’s so 1992-esque. At the VIP party in Tokyo, Michael charged fans $3,500 for 30 seconds of face time. Well worth it to get a look at that nose and chin.